"Hey, I was just thinking of you!" is what I’ll say if someone shows up trick or treating as Ebola.
Jesus really hated it when the disciples called his mom a VILF.
Drinking cranberry juice for my urinary & gastrointestinal health because screw you double blinded scientific studies.
They say you don’t really know a person until the DNA, toxicology, & autopsy results are back
By ‘they’ I mean Doug at the coroner’s office
Oct. 15, 2009: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”
If I said “Hiding in a bathroom stall, having a panic attack” I’d have *nailed* it.
Wow so many new people!
I noticed that you use a quote of mine as your bio — I’d like to ask you either attribute it or delete it. It’s been my twitter bio since 2009 and has been oft quoted, but not always attributed. Thanks!
By the time the 3rd guy at the beach peed on me, people were starting to question my jellyfish story.
Fun fact: until they were renamed ‘imaginary’ at the International Math Congress in Bern in 1907, they were known as ‘bullshit numbers’