If I didn’t have arms, that’d be sad, but at least I wouldn’t have to figure out what to do with them when I was just standing there.
It’s true, I’m in San Francisco, but I have no plans to leave my heart here.
That said, I didn’t *plan* to leave a kidney in Reno …
I wish I could find someone who was as in to grammar as me am.
I’m trying to sing the American anthem, to blend in, but the only lyrics I can remember are “America! Fuck yeah!”
No TVs on the plane I flew in on because they’re ‘upgrading’
I had to read.
Like a caveman.
America: I am in you.
Sorry about the lack of foreplay.
"Next on the agenda, a goat sacrifice to our Dark Lord"
Few were surprised at their choices when corporations obtained freedom of religion
Hi. I’m Marc. Just think: if you’d only invested in an ADT security system, I wouldn’t be here in your bedroom giving you this sales pitch.
"Well, it’s about this guy who sits in a Starbucks all day working on his shitty, shitty novel …"
Sometimes you shouldn’t ‘write what you know’
♫ I wish I could wake up with amnesia
And forget I’d ever heard this stupid song ♫